Two pints of Guinness please

So I’ve been busy these last few days with a competitive exam. Does that mean I should forget you ? Hell no.

Here’s a quick song, based on “What will we do with a drunken sailor” ? That I wrote in the train. Enjoy !

What will we do with a drunken jissou ?
What will we do with a drunken jissou ?
What will we do with a drunken jissou ?
Earlye in the morning ?

Chorus
Way, hay, and up she rises,
Way, hay, and up she rises,
Way, hay, and up she rises,
Earlye in the morning !

Hang her to a rod over a lit gas stove
Hang her to a rod over a lit gas stove
Hang her to a rod over a lit gas stove
Earlye in the morning !

Chorus

Put her in the fridge until she’s sober
Put her in the fridge until she’s sober
Put her in the fridge until she’s sober
Earlye in the morning !

Chorus

Put her in a bed with acid-soaked bedsheets
Put her in a bed with acid-soaked bedsheets
Put her in a bed with acid-soaked bedsheets
Earlye in the morning !

Chorus

Cook her in a broth with a few chunks of ice
Cook her in a broth with a few chunks of ice
Cook her in a broth with a few chunks of ice
Earlye in the morning !

Chorus

That’s what we do with a drunken jissou !
That’s what we do with a drunken jissou !
That’s what we do with a drunken jissou !
Earlye in the morning !

Way, hay, and up she rises,
Way, hay, and up she rises,
Way, hay, and up she rises,
Earlye in the morning !

Please note that celtic folk songs are known for their wild differences in interpretation, and that a tune found on the internet may be incompatible with my lyrics.

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It’s not the end of Supreme Abuser, but you can see it from there

There is only two, maybe three, chapters left in Thierry Genestar’s adventure. As I struggle around the dreaded writer’s block, I’d like to talk about what’s next, for those of you who may be wondering.

Simply put, it will not be the end. The story has yet to come full-circle in what will be (and already is actually, god I’m such a nerd) the most ambitious english-written Jissouseki story as of yet.

Thing is, I’m thinking of taking a few steps in preparation for, one day, converting this trilogy into a book readable by someone who doesn’t know squat about the Jissouseki. Both PTLD and Supreme Abuser require at least basic knowledge in the subject.
But the sequel to those two, obviously, cannot be any more lenient on jissou-newcomers. That’s why I plan on writing two things :

- A prequel chapter to Supreme Abuser in which a young Thierry has his first contact with our favorite living dolls…
- And a mini series, of 2-3 episodes at most, featuring a certain character’s ex-wife, and which will serve as the beginning of the future, all-encompassing book. It won’t be useless to you seasoned readers, though, as it will also double as a link between PTLD, Supreme Abuser, and the upcoming, full-sized series. Heavier on plot than jissou goodness, but necessary.

So here’s the gist of it people. Stay tuned to the final chapters of SupAb.

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A quick guide to Jissou-related hazards, part three

3 – Asphyxiating you with shit

Everybody who has camped in the wild after the Jissouseki invasion has had this fear : You spent your whole day seeing Jissouseki looking at you while you were trekking, and as you set camp, you make sure to leave the fire lit, because you heard your talkative brother-in-law say that they like killing animals and even humans by dispensing their endless shit on their face to asphyxiate them. Then, they take their food easily, and eat them afterwards.

Veracity : Impossible.

Quick, go into the room of someone who’s asleep. Put something weighing half a pound right on his head. Try to keep it balanced. Then cover both his nose and mouth with something half-liquid. Did you take a punch in the face ? I’ll just wager the answer is yes.

There just are too many layers of bullshit for this to be possible. First, of course, is that the head has the tendency not to stay upright. Second is that something that sleeps has the ability to wake up. And put yourselves in the jissou’s perspective : How are you even going to climb on the guy without him waking up ? Cats doing that in the morning wake us right up, and they’re liking us instead of shitting on us.

Sure, a kojissou put there by a mama could be on a face without anyone noticing. But sadly, a kojissou has enough shit to wake a man up with shit in his mouth and a raging desire to obliterate everything that moves. But that’s about it.

Next is the fact that Jissouseki are very unlikely to realize shitting on someone’s mouth is even a plan. Dude, most of them eat shit to live, they aren’t likely to link their green goo with lethal consequences.

That leaves people who somehow aren’t even to make a single movement when they’re being smothered. Like drunk people for example. Those who do but still go camping solo have more dangerous things to worry about than Jissouseki. But still, last time you were blackout drunk, was your bed tidy upon waking up ? No, you thrashed around like a rabid football fan while your were asleep. And that’s without anything trying to asphyxiate you.

Dangerosity : None. Campers should be more concerned about their supplies being eaten.

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A quick guide to Jissou-related hazards, part two

2 – Overwhelming assaults

It’s a common nightmare : here you are, minding your own business, when suddenly a crowd of jissouseki gather at your feet, asking for candy. You tell them you don’t have any, and they doubt your word. They call you shit human, and wonder how you could have the gall to hide delicious candy from them. Some begin to climb you. Getting under your clothes, biting you everywhere. You smash them, but they keep coming. You fall to the floor.

Soon, you are overwhelmed, and their combined strength is too much for you. You suffer the fate of getting munched to death.

Veracity : Possible, but you would have to be very unlucky.

First off, it would require a sick amount of reasonably growned jissous. Let’s say more than a hundred of over six months of age. Below that age, they just aren’t strong enough for their bite to do any damage, and below that number, you could still win by physical strength alone. Of course, that doesn’t take into account small children and elderly people, but, you know, they are threatened by a lot of things.

And that’s not even taking into account the many people who always carry some jissou poison around. Those are definitely not risking anything, as even the boldest or most desperate jissous are frightened by seeing a kindred poisoned.

Next, you will need to be isolated enough for nobody to help you. Here’s the thing though : If you are isolated, there’s a very high chance this area’s jissouseki are used to living without humans, and won’t become hostile without a good reason. Only street jissous, relying on humans, tend to get pissed off at the slightest refusal. And that’s not even all of them.

So it would most likely require a large area without people, but very close to the city. Maybe a garbage dump ? Definitely not an impossible combination of events. Still, I never heard of a verified case of some poor chump eaten by Jissouseki.

Dangerosity : It pays to look out for it, but with common sense, you have nothing to fear.

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A quick guide to Jissou-related hazards, part one

A quick guide to Jissou-related hazards, by Thierry Genestar, Directeur aux Affaires relatives aux Jissouseki d’Annecy.

Foreword by the Heavy : The burning you feel ? It is shame.

Thank you, Heavy weapons guy.
Jissouseki are usually only dangerous to public tranquility and salubrity, and indeed, very few injuries to humans have been recorded.

Still, if you happen to be the one guy who almost died because of a bunch of feral living dolls, you will branded for life as an incredibly pathetic man. Women will don parkas in summer when you’re around, pigeons will shit on you with great precision from the sky, and your life will generally become a sad vacuum.

Unfair ? Perhaps. Zero danger doesn’t exist, and Jissouseki aren’t actually completely helpless against us, even if they lack the awareness to suitably use the few effective weapons there have. You don’t need to be paranoid. Just keep in mind the ways a jissou are known to be dangerous. Some, however, are little more than myths.

1 – Diseases and Parasites

This stems from the common assumption than feral jissous are full of nasty stuff. The logic goes like this : It’s known that there isn’t enough clean food to be had for the sheer numbers of jissous out there, and many have to resort to eating rotten food. This gets parasites and toxic agents inside their bodies, which they surprisingly easily survive. Injuries only worsen this phenomenon. So when a human eats one of those jissous, he gets a free trip to the hospital.

Veracity : True, but easy to avoid.

It is unclear whether the commercial jissou food industry promotes this myth, but let’s assume they’re not.
You can get food infection with fish that have eaten nasty things. However, fish don’t discriminate : you have absolutely no way to tell at a glance if a fish has eaten rotten stuff.

But with a jissou, you can. Linking a clean appearance to a healthy diet is no foolish assumption. When a reasonably grown jissou, even feral, looks clean and engaging, it means she has standards and loathes dirtiness. Thus, when she is eaten, the risk of infection is nil.

Also, latent diseases are not transmittable to the children due to the complete absence of amniotic link. Pregnancies happen in minutes. Nothing has the time to infect the newborns. Thus, maggots are always safe to eat. They can’t absorb enough toxic stuff in one week (the normal delay before mutation into a kojissou) to become dangerous to humans.
Also, of course, cooking the meat reasonably long eliminates the risk. We’re not talking about Amanita Phalloides here, people. If they ingest something strong enough to survive cooking, they won’t be breathing.

However, if you eat a bald-naked, armless jissou with festering wounds and shit marks around her lips, I’ll see you at the hospital with a jackhammer, I can’t let you pollute mankind’s gene pool.

It should however be noted that this greatly varies depending on the part of the world you live in. Big, clean cities are free of risks when taking the necessary precautions, but environmental conditions may vary. When in doubt, consult your local friendly authorities.

Dangerosity : Variable, but just generally listen to your gut and you’ll be fine.

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Poll : Desu-speak versus Normal-speak

It’s been a long time.

As I was saying in my fireworks rewrites, more often than not, Japanese jissou pictures clearly include a system of speech for Jissouseki very different than the /lit/ thread authours, me included, use : The desu-speak.

I don’t feel the need to present the normal speak, since you most likely already know and are used to it, but basically it’s just that jissous speak like humans, but with vocalizations like “desu” “techi” and “refu” at the end of their sentences, depending on their age. They also have language restrictions, like being forced to call humans “Mr.Men”. I also chose to make them unable to contract pronouns, like “I am” instead of “I’m”. But that’s just me.

Let’s get back to the desu-speak. It goes like this :

So yes, for those artists, the Jissouseki aren’t intelligible from a human standpoint. We only hear “techu techu”, but other Jissouseki can understand it. On rare instances, a electronical traductor is used to translate it into human speech.

The weird thing about this Continue reading

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Real places in Annecy where Supreme Abuser took place, part 2

Chapter 4 – Operation Breakthrough

Only takes place in Steph’s apartment, so obviously no pictures.

Chapter 5 – Operation Workshop

The abandoned factory near Saint-Jorioz’s lakeshore :

“So, tell me everything”, I say as we shake hands in front of the building, a rather old boat manufacture. The lake is one hundred meters or so away, and the whole neighborhood is the kind where everyone absolutely needs a private boat, lest they implode from shame. A state of things made even more ridiculous by the fact that this side of the lake is a natural reserve, and thus, docks are tiny and very few. This results in most of the houses having a boat in their garden. Guess who profits from it ?

Yeah, them. Even with protective sheets, nearly all the boats have become home for feral jissouseki. Rich suburban neighborhoods are the prime customers of private jissou exterminators for a reason. So it’s no surprise that there would be infested buildings, even that far from the city.
Okay, so it’s not really abandoned, just old. And they are currently renovating it, so I took the part that was still derelict. Continue reading

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Real places in Annecy where Supreme Abuser took place

So you want to make a visual novel of SupAb but you lack the plane ticket necessary to fly to Annecy and take pictures ? Worry not, for I went back there during August and did it myself.

So here are, in order of appearance, places where Thierry Genestar went during his crazy week, complete with short excerpts to put the picture in context.

You may notice some installations such as fences and rows. It’s because a really big event called the Fête du Lac was getting wrapped up when I got here. The fences made for a pretty convincing anti-jissou decor.

Chapter 1 – Operation First Strike

Bonlieu cultural center :

The cultural center is under pressure. In less than one week begins the world’s foremost Animated Film Festival. I used to go there as a volunteer because I had shit else to do. Now I’m here as an official from the City Hall. Not that most people would notice at first glance.
This is the main building  in which the Annecy Animated Film Festival takes place. All the other days of the year, it serves as a giga combo of theater, commercial center and administrative building. Continue reading

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Supreme Abuser Chapter 10

Now that one had a long time coming. To think I wrote a good chunk of it mere days after posting chapter 9.

 

Well anyway, this one is a bit heavy and I forgive you if you find it clumsy towards the end. This kind of plot is always cheesy and more full of holes than a jissou on a firing range.

 

Chapter 10 : Operation Tutti Frutti Summer Love

 

After we’re done unpacking and changing into swimming gear, we profit from the jissous’ focus on swimming to walk to the small grass fields where they have moved their shanty town.

 

Funny, I thought they wouldn’t dream of setting up camp in a place with no shadows when summer is closing in.”

Well,” replies Stéphanie. “You wouldn’t dream of standing under the sun if you had any other choice. But if you know there’s water nearby, then it’s okay. Most beaches aren’t very shadowy…”

Oh, right.”

Continue reading

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Supreme Abuser 10 Sneak Peek

So few updates…I have a backup computer, but it doesn’t get my motivation any higher. Oh well, consider me on holidays.

The suspense concerning our next chapter’s topic isn’t really killing anyone. Thierry and Stéphanie are facing a tribe of forest jissous, and everyone’s favorite Head of Jissouseki Affairs profits from the occasion to explain in detail how the living dolls use the ubiquitous cardboard boxes.

The most observant of you will have noticed that Saturday, the story’s announced climax, is right around the corner. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, chapter 10 shall be the last where our heroes can chill. After that, it’s time to get down to business…

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