A quick guide to Jissou-related hazards, by Thierry Genestar, Directeur aux Affaires relatives aux Jissouseki d’Annecy.
Foreword by the Heavy : The burning you feel ? It is shame.
Thank you, Heavy weapons guy.
Jissouseki are usually only dangerous to public tranquility and salubrity, and indeed, very few injuries to humans have been recorded.
Still, if you happen to be the one guy who almost died because of a bunch of feral living dolls, you will branded for life as an incredibly pathetic man. Women will don parkas in summer when you’re around, pigeons will shit on you with great precision from the sky, and your life will generally become a sad vacuum.
Unfair ? Perhaps. Zero danger doesn’t exist, and Jissouseki aren’t actually completely helpless against us, even if they lack the awareness to suitably use the few effective weapons there have. You don’t need to be paranoid. Just keep in mind the ways a jissou are known to be dangerous. Some, however, are little more than myths.
1 – Diseases and Parasites
This stems from the common assumption than feral jissous are full of nasty stuff. The logic goes like this : It’s known that there isn’t enough clean food to be had for the sheer numbers of jissous out there, and many have to resort to eating rotten food. This gets parasites and toxic agents inside their bodies, which they surprisingly easily survive. Injuries only worsen this phenomenon. So when a human eats one of those jissous, he gets a free trip to the hospital.
Veracity : True, but easy to avoid.
It is unclear whether the commercial jissou food industry promotes this myth, but let’s assume they’re not.
You can get food infection with fish that have eaten nasty things. However, fish don’t discriminate : you have absolutely no way to tell at a glance if a fish has eaten rotten stuff.
But with a jissou, you can. Linking a clean appearance to a healthy diet is no foolish assumption. When a reasonably grown jissou, even feral, looks clean and engaging, it means she has standards and loathes dirtiness. Thus, when she is eaten, the risk of infection is nil.
Also, latent diseases are not transmittable to the children due to the complete absence of amniotic link. Pregnancies happen in minutes. Nothing has the time to infect the newborns. Thus, maggots are always safe to eat. They can’t absorb enough toxic stuff in one week (the normal delay before mutation into a kojissou) to become dangerous to humans.
Also, of course, cooking the meat reasonably long eliminates the risk. We’re not talking about Amanita Phalloides here, people. If they ingest something strong enough to survive cooking, they won’t be breathing.
However, if you eat a bald-naked, armless jissou with festering wounds and shit marks around her lips, I’ll see you at the hospital with a jackhammer, I can’t let you pollute mankind’s gene pool.
It should however be noted that this greatly varies depending on the part of the world you live in. Big, clean cities are free of risks when taking the necessary precautions, but environmental conditions may vary. When in doubt, consult your local friendly authorities.
Dangerosity : Variable, but just generally listen to your gut and you’ll be fine.